Expert-level narcissists are often good at finding forms of abuse that look innocuous to outside observers, but which can be tremendously damaging and destructive for the target. For example, they might repeatedly make plans with the target and then stand them up. But when the target says something about it, they will say that they "forgot," or "lost track of time" or "something important (that was not important) came up at the last minute." Bystanders might say, "Geez, he just forgot. Why are you making such a big deal of this? Why can't you cut him a break?" But they haven't been present enough to observe that this is a pattern of behavior and not the one-time incident that the narcissist is claiming it is.